Grace Emerges

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My Fat Almost 40 Rant

by Jenny D.

OK, I'm just going to say it and there is no apology coming with it.

When are we going to stop judging people based on the size they are?

I just saw the new book Maggie goes on a Diet targeting girls as young as six, to send out the message if you lose weight you will be popular and everyone will know you by name??? Oh and you'll be better at soccer...


I developed anorexia at 12 yrs old trying not to look like my biological mother, for the next 17 years I drove myself and everyone around me crazy with worry and my rigid behavior all in the effort to not look exactly like I do right now!

What did I gain in those 17 years of starvation? Metabolic syndrome, heart issues and guess what I sitll look just like her.

When are we going to stop judging, when do we stop encouraging our children to take on unhealthy expectations about their own and others weight.

I don't eat any more than my thin friends and I exercise. Believe what you want about weight but some of us don't pig out. and we look the way we do.

I don't want to lose weight for anyone but me and who would want it more for me than me? And if I'm really honest (as Brad, my amazing husband has said many times brutally, even dreadfully honest.)

I still ignore hunger and I still down deep want that tiny waist but I have to ask why?

Do I want it for me? Do I want it so everyone will think I'm pretty or have it all togehter, do I want it for one of you reading this right now? If your reading this at all? Maybe I want it because that's what the world shouts in my face every day. If your thin your in.???

Can you really look at the world around us, back at generation after generation , and believe that we are all supposed to look the same? My biological family pretty much resemble each other and pretty much every person I've met here on earth resemble those who came before them.

I'm not supporting blaming everything on genes or saying lets all binge because we can't do anything anyway (so don't get on your high horse and send me messages about how I should eat or not)  but I am saying this.

Enough is enough! How many more girls and women (boys too) have to die from eating disorders before we stop making it ok to judge people based simply on size.

When do we just love people because of the beauty they are just for being who they are.
I'm tired and so I am done trying to be that perfect size. I've waisted enough time. I will continue my quest to be healthy but I am so done with trying to fit some mold I was never made to fit.

So love me? Then really love me and never ask me to be something I'm not.

Since I'm having this rant let me also say I'm sorry for scaring the people who love me and making you crazy when I've gotten into the times where I went so far down that road that even I couldn't stand to be around me. Let me say thank you to those who have stood by and supported and loved me through it too because love is what brought me out of darkness.

Maybe wisdom comes with age, maybe self acceptance does too but I would love to see a world where we really teach it to our kids the way it really should be taught. That we love and not judge from the start.

We are all created in God's image and He said that "it's very good" (Genesis)

If I am good enough for God nothing else matters. No one under the sun is perfect no matter how how hard we try to make it look that way on the outside.

Rant finished

Jenny D.

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